Archives

BULLYING: IT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE

"Oh, yeah, we just live too far West of the Valley for that to be an issue here. It's more of an inner city epidemic. My son Lucas would tell me if he was being bullied, or even if his friends were being bullied. Good luck trying to find it out here. It just doesn't happen out here." -Pamela, mother to 14 year old Freshman son Lucas at WHS

Recent studies from the “Make Beats Not Beat Downs (MBNBD)” National Anti-Bullying and School Violence program estimated that 160,000 children miss school on a daily basis in a paralyzing fear that their bullies will re-offend and attack them. This number is taken directly from the National Education Association’s (NEA) 2013 school violence statistics report; of reported instances. When you break these statistics down, it comes out to an alarming 1 out of every 7 students from kindergarten to 12th grade is either a bully themselves, or they are the victim.
Out of the children that are not victims of bullying, or bullies themselves, 56% of the remaining children will report an act of school bullying or violence. When you break that down, it comes out to be 3 out of every 7 students will report any act of school violence and or bullying.

The most alarming statistic found that is both backed up by MBNBD and the NEA is that when a parent calls to excuse their child from school, or when a student is pressured into stating why they desire to skip school, only 15% of them express that they are fearful of their bullies. That means that SOMETIMES 1 out of every 7 students will say that they don’t want to go to school because they fear their bullies. This also means that parents and school officials are now made aware of a potentially violent situation at school.

282,000 students are reported as being physically attacked by their bullies on a monthly basis. 1 out of every 20 students have reported seeing another student with a gun at school. My question is where are these in our daily news reports? This is a VERY scary statistic! Anyone who has a child knows all too well that they are sponges and mocking birds. They spill out things you never want them to restate. So, that begs the question, are parents simply hearing this and not taking it as truth? Or worse, are they hearing this and not taking it seriously? In light of recent school violence attacks that are exponentially growing, is this really something parents should take so light hearted? I would hope that neither is the case, so I went into the field, and talked to parents, students at grade schools, high schools, alternative schools, private schools, and even church ran schools. I talked to school officials, such as school guidance counselors, school social workers, school disciplinary department heads, and school principals. I dug a little further by reaching out to local police departments and local pediatric doctors and dentists. As foot hit the pavement I was not prepared for the sheer depth that school violence and bullying had taken.

Out of the two pediatric doctors at Maryvale Pediatrics and the two pediatric dentists I talked to, they have all said that they have seen a decrease in school violence victims. When I asked them why this is the trend when all reports show that school violence is still on the rise today, more than it ever has been, they responded with three different answers based on what they know.

The first answer is that bullying is not like how most of us remember; it’s no longer, “See you at the flag pole at the 2:15 pm final bell.” Or “See you at the Burger King Parking lot at 2:20.” It’s now viral attacks. With texting ever so cumbersome in the hands of students and children, bullies are instantly, constantly and maliciously attacking their victims via social media, instant messaging, texting and new application for smart phones called, “Snapchat.” Snapchat is an app that allows a person to send another person a message that “disappears” as if it were never sent in a pre-determined allotment of time. Being that this is an application, it is virtually impossible to trace back to the originator, because it will not show up on a phone usage report.

The second answer they gave is that victims are now fighting back, which accounts for more than 35% of bullying and school violence cases; the ones that have reported anyways.

The third and final answer was that in extreme physical cases, they are not being directed to the child’s pediatric doctors or dentists, but to urgent care centers and emergency rooms. If you pay for insurance, you know that 8 times out of 10 it is cheaper to take your child to an after-hours urgent care center, where you pay a $30 co-pay, or an emergency room visit where you pay a $60 dollar co-pay verses going to the child’s doctor, where a co-pay there could be anywhere from $20 to $120 depending on how the visit is coded, and that’s IF they can schedule you in. Scheduling at the child’s pediatric doctors or dentist office is the largest issue parents have in reporting it to their child’s doctors; they want immediate care, so they will rush them off to the emergency room or urgent care center. The doctors at the Maryvale Pediatric Clinic in Avondale, Arizona told me that they only receive the follow up reports from these urgent care centers like, Good Nights Pediatric Urgent Care Center, or the two hospitals in the area, West Valley Hospital and Banner Estrella Hospital. The office staff could only remember 1 major case of a victim of bullying to walk through their doors in the last year, since school started in August, 2012.

When I polled and asked parents their thoughts of school violence and bullying in suburban areas such as Avondale, Goodyear, Surprise, Buckeye, Tolleson, and Litchfield Park, Arizona, the trend of responses were, "Oh, yeah, we just live too far West of the Valley for that to be an issue here. It's more of an inner city epidemic. My son Lucas would tell me if he was being bullied, or even if his friends were being bullied. Good luck trying to find it out here. It just doesn't happen out here." -Pamela, mother to 14 year old freshman son Lucas at WHS. Interview after interview with parents waiting to pick up their students from school; they were all variations of this statement. When I told them that Columbine, which occurred while I was in school, was a “rich, suburban school,” they all seemed shocked, and again stated that they knew this children, and they knew their schools and areas. They all seemed overly confident that a tragedy such as Columbine or Sandy Hook could never occur in “our town.”

However, going back the following days to seek out these students, this was not the same story. In fact, I was distressed to find that in these small interlocking suburban areas; across grade schools, middle schools, and high schools, that the statistics almost seem higher than the national statistics. In fact when I talked to these students, I found that 1 out of every 3 students were a victim of bullying. Some were minor, like name calling and taunting, and some had cases so severe that their parents moved out of states they lived in and enrolled their students in the areas I interviewed. Out of the 150 students I interviewed and talked with, an astonishing 30 students admitted, with pride, to being bullies. I asked them if their parents knew what they did to other students, they all responded with a variation of, "No, because they don't pay attention, or don't care."

The United States Justice department put out that 75% of bullies evolve and eventually become violent crimes perpetrators, such as murderers. Bullied victims are 80% more likely to become homicide victims later in life. Furthermore, 82% of bully victim’s strongest motivation is revenge on their bullies, which accounts for 95% of school shootings, and major violent crimes. 86% of school shooting and severe school violence suspects admit that their bullies were the root of their decisions to commit their crimes, the remaining 14% of school violence suspects along with 61% of school bullies admit that they bully and commit these acts of violence because they are being victimized and bullied at home.

There are four forms of bullying, which all have their own variations and avenues used, which are discussed below.

• Physical – hitting, kicking, pinching, punching, scratching, spitting or any other form of physical attack. Damage to or taking someone else’s belongings may also constitute as physical bullying.

• Verbal – name calling, insulting, making racist, sexist or homophobic jokes, remarks or teasing, and using sexually suggestive or abusive language, offensive remarks

• Indirect – spreading nasty stories about someone, exclusion from social groups, being made the subject of malicious rumors, sending abusive mail, and email and text messages (cyber bullying).

• Cyber Bullying - any type of bullying that is carried out by electronic medium. There are 7 types including:

1. Text message bullying
2. Picture/video clip bullying via mobile phone cameras
3. Phone call bullying via mobile phones
4. E-mail bullying
5. Chat-room bullying
6. Bullying through instant messaging (IM)
7. Bullying via websites

Bullycide:

Suicide remains among the leading causes of death of children under 14. And in most cases, the young people die from hanging. (AAS)

A new review of studies from 13 countries found signs of an apparent connection between bullying, being bullied, and suicide. (Yale School of Medicine)

Suicide rates among children between the ages of 10 & 14 are very low, but are "creeping up." (Ann Haas, Director of the Suicide Prevention Project at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)

• Suicide rates among 10 to 14-year-olds have grown more than 50 percent over the last three decades. (The American Association of Suicidology, AAS)

• In 2005 (the last year nationwide stats were available), 270 children in the 10-14 age group killed themselves. (AAS)

I asked several students if they know of anyone who has committed suicide in response to being bullied. An incredible 42 students admitted that they knew of someone, either directly or indirectly, within their schools, at one point or another, that had committed suicide, as a direct effect of being bullied.

One girl, at Tolleson High School, admitted her parents moved her and their family to Tolleson, Arizona, from their small hometown in Ohio, because her best friend committed suicide because of her tormentors. She goes on to say,

“Have you seen the movie ‘Mean Girls’? Well, that’s how this group of girls in our 8th grade class were like. They were vicious, and mean. If you didn’t have boobs, you were teased, if you refused to kiss a boy, you were tormented and accused of being a lesbian. If you had any amount of extra on your body that slightly wiggled, you were called a whore and a slut. They would push [Rebecca’s] and my trays into our laps at lunch, and trip us as we walked by them. I never imaged getting the call from [Rebecca’s] mom, saying that she had committed suicide, and left us all a note. When I finally read the letter she wrote me, she told me to stay strong. She told me that I was beautiful, that I was the only friend she ever had that treated her just like a regular person. I never really recovered from that, and then my parents decided we needed to move, so my dad transferred us out here to Arizona with his job. I still think of [Rebecca] every day. We had been best friends since kindergarten, I always imaged we would go to college together, and raise our families side by side. I never even thought it wouldn’t be a reality. I think that parents should be more involved with their children, with their children’s schools, that they should do a better job at policing their children’s behaviors at school, and even after school. The detectives told me that the last text message other than the one from me, was from [Nancy] one of the ‘Mean Girls’ telling [Rebecca] that she was a ‘fat useless, slob, and no one would ever be able to love her.’ How cruel can you be? If I were standing in front of those girls today, I would tell them just how ugly on the inside they were, that looks and appearances don’t get you a husband that loves you, your heart does. That looks only go so far, by heart goes further. They probably just needed the attention, and the only way to get it was by being mean.” [Cheasly] age 18, Senior at Tolleson High School, in Tolleson, Arizona. ***Disclaimer, due to this still being an open case in Ohio, and the graphic nature of the content, for approval for print and publication I agreed to change all names of the students involved. Under no circumstance will I reveal the true names; I can’t, because I even wrote fake names in my notes. The content is true, the names are not. ***

The Pediatricians and Local Community Action Officers through the local Police Departments all gave me signs to look for in children that might be victims of bullies. I asked some of the bullied victims to take a look at this list, and confirm or deny if they have had the same and or similar behaviors; these are the results and consensus from the professionals and the students interviewed. Local police departments stated that they respond to roughly to 5 school related reports of violence and bullying a day. It may be helpful to know, that these community action officers are only stationed at the high schools in these areas. Parents if you want them at your grade schools, and middle schools, you have to get the school on that, in which they have to pay for this service. Why is this not a FREE service? I know someone has to pay for this, however, why are we making the schools pay for this prevention and protection? Should the state not be paying this? Should they not be held responsible for the safety of our children in these public schools?

1. Unexplained physical marks, cuts, bruises and scrapes
2. Unexplained loss of toys, school supplies, clothing, lunches, or money
3. Clothes, toys, books, electronic items are damaged or missing or child reports mysteriously “losing” possessions
4. Doesn’t want to go to school or other activities with peers
5. Afraid of riding the school bus
6. Afraid to be left alone: wants you there at dismissal, suddenly clingy
7. Suddenly sullen, withdrawn, evasive; remarks about feeling lonely
8. Marked change in typical behavior or personality
9. Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed and that mood lasts with no known cause
10. Physical complaints; headaches, stomachaches, frequent visits the school nurse’s office
11. Difficulty sleeping, nightmares, cries self to sleep, bed wetting
12. Change in eating habits
13. Begins bullying siblings or younger kids. (Bullied children can sometimes flip their role and become the bully.)
14. Waits to get home to use the bathroom. (School and park bathrooms, because they are often not adult-supervised, can be hot spots for bullying).
15. Suddenly has fewer friends or doesn’t want to be with the “regular group”
16. Ravenous when he comes home. (Bullies can use extortion stealing a victim’s lunch money or lunch.)
17. Sudden and significant drop in grades. (Bullying can cause a child to have difficulty focusing and concentrating.)
18. Blames self for problems; feels “not good enough”
19. Talks about feeling helpless or about suicide; runs away

Some of the school officials and staff that I talked to, and interviewed did state that they are slowly phasing back in sex education, along with the 1990's D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program, re-vamped of course for today's changes, to run along side some of their current anti bullying programs, assemblies, and campaigns on campus, in an effort to combat school bullying and violence. Kudos to these schools, like the Littleton School District, Tolleson High School District and the Pendergast Elementary School District! However, as great as these programs are, and the benefit it would give these children, where is the parent involvement? Why are PARENTS putting the burden on the schools? I don't want to see these programs leave, I think they are vital in today's world, and school survival today, however,these programs are only supplemental, they wont fully work without parent involvement.

I will leave the readers with these final thoughts. If this is truly an “inner city epidemic” then why are these students contradicting the social norm and statistics of the area? Perhaps it’s because I’m an approachable, open, and inviting person, and thus they felt comfortable talking to me, or perhaps I have done my research and knew which questions to ask and how to ask them. The point is school violence and bullying occurs everywhere, at any time, and to nearly anyone. Why are parents so blind to see what is really going on? Parents listen up, school violence and bullying is occurring, in our local schools, no school is immune to it, no school is too rich or too poor for it, no school is too far out or too close to the inner city, and no school has a fool proof anti school violence and bullying system or program. The truth is, parents need to be involved by having conversations with their children, regarding school violence and bullying. Parents need to be having these tough and difficult discussions with their children. We as parents need to treat bullying and school violence as if it were the same as drug and under aged alcohol usage and abuse, or that of teen sex and pregnancy. We, as parents need to fully understand that no school is impervious to bullies, and that we act as the first line of defense in cutting down these statistics, by simply having these conversations.

Luke, 15; Dominick, 15; & Tony, 15; Alyssa, 14. Westview High School.

"Any time I get into a fight, my older brother {19} gets involved, so bullies have learned to stay away from me." -Luke

"I didn't report it because teachers just don't care. It's extra work they have to do. Our parents work too much to even care what's going on at school as long as I'm passing." -Alyssa

"When I was being bullied, it happened in front of the teacher, and she did nothing about it. I even confronted the teacher and my bully, and still nothing was done. What's the point in reporting it if no one will do anything about it?" -Dominick

"I have been bullied, and I did report it. The kid ended up moving away, but the teachers didn't believe me that I was being bullied. They said I was the bully." -Tony

Michael, 17; and girlfriend Denise, 17. Seniors at Westview High School in Avondale, Arizona.

"I have never personally been bullied, however I do know some people that have been bullied. They aren't my 'best friends' but they are sort of friends. I didn't report it, because then I would have been labeled as a snitch and become bullied by those kids. My boyfriend is the star track athlete, so bullies tend to leave me alone. All I have to say about bullies is that it's not cool. You may think it is cool, but it's not. It really just makes you look like a fool." -Denise

Spencer, 12; and best friend Chase, 12. Garden Lakes Elementary Students, hanging out after school. They just witnessed a fight taking place in the Burger King Parking lot.

"I've seen a lot of bullying going on, and I've been bullied. Garden Lakes is very tough with their bullying guidelines. Dr. Waltman (GLS Principal) is very hard on bullies. He makes sure that your parents know, and you get these write ups. No matter how big or small the bullying is, Dr. Waltman has a policy that everyone gets ISS (In School Suspension). Sometimes kids get OSS (Out of School Suspension.) He even makes us write a report during our suspenion about why we were bullying, why we shouldn't bully, and what we will do to not bully any more. That's why we are here at Burger King, this is where most of the fights take place." -Spencer

[Interrupting Spencer] "Yeah, Dr. Waltman is great, but it doesn't stop the bullies from bullying. He makes all of the grades see the "Bully Movie Project" every year. Even though the teachers try their best to catch and stop it, doesn't mean it isn't there. This kid [Ralph] cusses at us, and calls uses racial words. He's been suspended 4 times, and he keeps coming back. I've been bullied, and I always report it. I don't want our school to be on the news, or see my friends get hurt." -Chase

Marcus 17; Royal 15. Westview High School Students, hanging out after school before a District Track Meet at Dairy Queen across the street.

"I have been bullied, and it wasn't funny. When I was younger I used to make fun of some of the other kids in my grade, then when I got to high school, I was little behind the rest of the guys. I've since caught up to the rest of the guys in my grade, but they bullied me pretty badly in the locker rooms and during freshman P.E. I didn't report it because I was scared of backlash from the bullies. Now that I'm older, I would report it someone if I saw it happening." -Marcos

"I haven't been bullied, and I've never personally seen it, however I do know it happens from talking with my friends. I would report it if I saw it." -Royal

"Yes, I've been bullied. I was called a slut when I wouldn't kiss a guy in a double dare. I do see other kids being bullied, but I never report it. I'm not really scared of the bullies, or if they keep bullying me. I just feel bad, because I let myself get bullied." -Thyssa

"I see almost all of my friends get bullied. I try to stand up for them, because the teachers sure don't. I've been bullied, and I almost wasn't allowed to promote to the this grade last year, because I missed so much school. A teacher told me that it is only considered bullying, if it happens more than once. Even when it does, they think we are lying." -Paul

"Yes I've been bullied, and I've seen a lot of kids, and friends of mine being bullied. I didn't report it, because my bully was a girl, and my dad would make fun of me if he found out if I was being bullied by a girl. Plus the teachers see it, but they don't do anything about it. My bully kept coming back and threatening me if I told anyone. She is still a bully, but leaves me alone now for the most part. I guess I got boring." -Jadon

"I have been bullied, and I've seen, but I don't report it because my bully scares me, and I'm afraid it will get worse. I think they just want to fit in." -Nathaniel

"I have seen my friends being bullied, and I have report it. But the teachers keep telling us to stop telling, and work it out ourselves. We know the school bullies, they are two girls in our grade that bullies everyone. I've never been bullied, but hey look at me! I'm a big guy. People are scared of me. I guess I make them scared?" -Robert {Paul interjects, "Yeah, but he's a squishy giant! Laughing arouses.}" "Would you all consider that a cut down and form of bullying?" -April. "No, because it's amongst friends, and we know and care for one another. We know we are just joking, and that's why we laugh. But if someone else would have said that, then we would consider it as a cut down, and form of bullying." -Thyssa.

Jadon, 13; Thyssa, 13; Paul, 11; Robert, 13; Nathaniel, 14 and their friends. Copper King Elementary Students, hanging out at Dust Devil Park; a local park across the street.

Andreya, 14; and her best friend Charlie, 14. Westview High School Freshman, found gossiping about the days scandals at school. They were currently discussing the big break up of the elected Prom King and his Queen.

"I haven't been bullied since grade school. That's because I mostly keep to myself and my small group of friends. I don't really make my presence known at school, and I think that keeps me from being bullied. I have seen a lot of bullying going on. Mostly on Facebook, and Twitter, but also at school. These girls throw their food on the 'geeks' tables, and at them. I have never reported it because it didn't turn violent. Plus if I would have reported it, then that meant they might turn their attention to me and bully me." -Charlie

JJ, 17, Westview High School; Marco, 12, Villa De Paz Elementary; Saul, 12, Villa De Paz Elementary. Hanging out at the skate park at Dust Devil Park, the local park.

"I have been severely bullied, I have these scars that needed stitches. I was walking home from school, when these kids threw me down on the ground, and started punching and kicking my face into the curb. The school said since it happened off of school grounds, they couldn't do anything about it. The police didn't do anything about it either. I don't report it any longer because of that time. My brother is made to go everywhere with me now. He doesn't like it, but we make it work. I just think that bullies should all be locked up. This time it was smashing my face into the ground, what is it going to be a month from now? I have told my parents that I think they might kill me. So my parents transferred me to the school across the street. It hasn't stopped the bullying." -Saul.

Alexis, 15. Tolleson High School. Waiting after basketball practice for her parents to pick her up.

"Yes I've been bullied. and no I didn't report it. Sure, I play basketball, and I have been playing since grade school, I hope to get a college scholarship for it. Well, there are these girls, we them the "Chicks" because they peck us all. They call me a lesbian because I play basketball. I don't really have an issue with people who are lesbian or gay, I just don't like being called lesbian because it's not true. I think it's the way the use the word too. They say it like it's a derogatory thing. I know for some it is, but for some it's not. Words change, like fag used to mean cigarette. I didn't report it, because other girls on the team with me have reported it, and the school hasn't done anything about it. Bullying hurts, and I've seen many of my friends shut down. I started playing basketball after school for the school, so I could avoid taking the bus home or walking home. I have a group of friends on the team that have my back and I have theirs, so I feel safer. Teachers and parents totally don't see what's really going on, and I don't think they care. If parent's think bullying isn't going on out here, then they are wrong. I see the movies and we have the same thing going on out here in the real world."

Olga, 18. Tolleson High School, on her way to the District wide track meet at Tolleson to report on it for her school paper.

"My best friend and I back home were constantly tormented. We were called fat, ugly, and some very racial slurs. I reported it the first few times, but no one seemed to have wanted to listen to us, and the ones that did listen to us, either couldn't do anything about it, or didn't believe us. I quit reporting it because nothing was being done about it. I think that bullies are Pathetic, and they should find a new hobby. It's not cool, and it destroys more than just someones confidence. Tolleson has many policies in place regarding bullying, however, there is just not enough teachers, staff, and security on campus to catch it all, especially the stuff that happens off campus, or electronically. Snapchat is getting more and more popular, that I've seen it happen."

Nick, 11; His brother Matthew, 12; and their two friends Xavier, 13; and his cousin Francisco, 15. All four are Copper King Elementary Students.

"Yes, I've been bullied, but I didn't report it, because my friends hopped in and helped me out. I wouldn't report it ever, because I would just jump in and help break it up. Adults don't care, and they don't believe us." -Francisco.

"We've all been bullied I think at one time. Bullying is just not cool. People think it's cool, when it's not. I did report it, but my dad told me to stop acting like a sissy, and do something about it. So now I fight back." -Nick

"I just don't understand why anyone would bully others. It makes no sense. You can't stop it, not matter what, people will always bully others. You just have to fight back." -Xavier

Current Headline Story

Sarah Ashly Chelsie Kelly Melody Bethany

37% of grade school students join a sport and or after school activity to avoid walking home, taking the bus, and being bullied. Once they get to high school, those who are not already in an after school activity or sport program, only 13% of bully victims will join to avoid being bullied. When talking to these grade school and high school students, they feel that they are able to ban together like a family to help one another combat being bullied. "Bullies don't like approaching large groups of people. You are definitely safer in a large group. I have not been bullied since joining track my freshman year of high school." -Peter, 15.

Berney, 16; Daisy, 16; Yvonne, 16; LCHS. They say the number one reason they don't report it and that high schools students don't report it is because they are too proud to admit that they have been bullied. They see bullying mostly on social media such as twitter, facebook, and a new phone app called snapchat.

Only self proclaimed bullies I found, that declined to say much about why they bully, or who they bully.

Lysette, 17; Vanessa, 16; THS. They have never been bullied, but they see it all of the time. They don't report it because then they will get labeled as a snitch. They say it's not right, and it can lead to suicide.

Volleyball Practice

Cheer Practice

Track Meet

"Not really knowing what will happen after reporting is why my students do not like to report being bullied. We go through great lengths in protecting their privacy. The ultimate goal is to make them feel safe while giving them a distraction free environment to learn so they can focus on their job which is being a student." - Shawn Vandernaalt Academic Adviser/social worker. LCHS

Shawn and La Hoya Community High School goes through great lengths to reach out to their community and really make sure to make the community aware of issues, social issues, violence issues, and bullying issues. He lets his students know that they can always come and report anything to him without the fear of recuperation, backlash from the bully, and without making them feel inferior.

Dr. Stephen Neal School Psychologist, and Mrs. Patti, Special Education Specialist.

" We really work as a team here, no one is more important or too good for any job or function here. WE go out out of our way to proactively stop rumors, and build rapport with the students and their parents. We also have Student Skills for Transition program that helps students identify issues, and that helps them come to us. Ben Geiger is the STUGO sponsor and he is tremendously active and emphasis programs, parties, and assemblies about anti-bullying. He is really has a lot of empathy towards the students. If I had to tell the parents one thing, it would be that it's not physically and aggressively bullying these days, it's cyber, it's in the words being used, the body language, looks, and the shunning of students by the bullies. It happens every where, at any time, and not an inner city epidemic."

bullying is not like how most of us remember; it’s no longer, “See you at the flag pole at the 2:15 pm final bell.” Or “See you at the Burger King Parking lot at 2:20.” It’s now viral attacks.

"On Average we have about 8 major cases reported per quarter. Two of those cases were cyber with texting, and social media, as well as SNAPCHAT, which is a new app for phones that allows you to seed a text message that deletes within a predetermined time frame, determined by the sender. Bullying really starts at home, with cyber bulling, cat fishing, and social media."

-Angelica White, School Social Worker and Physiologist. La Hoya Community High School.